From Loneliness to Solitude

I would have to say that these past 6 months, I have not been doing well.  I was experiencing a great deal of tiredness and sadness.  Feeling extremely burnt out and in a place where I just couldn't experience joy anymore.  I know this was also tough for April too as she was wrestling with work and feeling quite helpless to help me but also frustrated that I am not well.

Thank goodness for this past week where we were able find space, away from each other, and come to Jesus personally.  For me it was at Emerging Leaders where I remembered who Jesus was and the reason why I keep denying myself for His sake.  I had to move from Loneliness to Solitude which physically, looks identical but are very different.  Loneliness, Jesus is no where to be seen, felt, or heard.  Jesus is absent.  Solitude on the other hand is the constant presence of Jesus.

I also came to a place where there was a great deal of unforgiveness in my heart towards April.  I didn't realize how much it was affecting me until I was practicing the discipline of Sabbath and attempting to rest.  I realized at that moment that this unforgiveness was one of the major barriers that was preventing me from loving my wife and also from resting.  I repented right there and then.

During all of this, April was also going through a bit of a realization.  She had multiple conversations with friends in which she shared her frustrations.  It was then her friends were able to reflect back to her around some of her "unreasonable" expectations.  She in expected me to be an intellectual (I'm not really one).  She expected me to be a respectable leader and to be always well (which I am but I'm not always well).  Over this week, these realizations she had, she was realizing how tough it was on me and she also had to come to a place of forgiving me and repentance of these places.

In short, we both had to repent of our unforgiveness of each other.  This has been an answer to prayers of all our friends, family, and supporters, as well as our very one ones.  It has only been a couple of days, but we've been experiencing a deeper sense of joy and peace for each other and we give Praise to Jesus for this experience.

We continue to welcome and covet your prayers and support.  If you would like to hear more specific details on my Emerging Leaders and April's week, we would love to share it with you more.