Yet His Love Goes Further Still... This was the theme of Winter Con but also a consistent theme in my life. I would like to share with regards to this theme but for me to do justice in sharing that, it goes back into last year's winter con and a bit into my background.
I have Tourettes. It's a neurological disorder that makes me do weird things like twitching my head, clicking my teeth, making weird noises, and the list goes on. An example of this is like a sneeze. It's irrepressible, you can't help but do it. Along with my Tourettes I also grew up with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) which when paired together, I sometimes have a memory span of a gnat.
However, I wish I could say I had a good childhood. So with all this though, growing up with Tourettes was not an easy thing for me. I remember being bullied, teased, called names, disciplined, and isolated because of my Tourettes. I remember growing up being very angry at the world around me and it was unfortunate that most of this anger and hatred was directed towards the Chinese Church and Community.
Luckily for me, I didn't stay there. God's Love continued to go further into my life and eventually, I received a lot of healing towards my own identity. I now see my Tourettes as a part of me and an amazing gift that God has given me. My hope is to educated people more with my story.
When I received healing for my Tourettes, I thought that was it, but no... God's Love Goes Further Still. He then was telling me... through signs that I needed to work on my Asian Identity. In a lot of ways, I was still frustrated and angry with my Asian identity and culture. So these are some of the signs that God revealed to me over these past 2 years: When I did the internship with IVCF, I was placed in an all asian intern team, all asian household, placed in the Korean Christian Fellowship (KCF), and had an asian mentor. When I was invited onto staff, I was sent to Vancouver, working at the SFU campus, landed BACK into the Chinese Church, an asian girl came into my life (who is now my girlfriend), I went to Winter Con, AND I was going to China. I think God was VERY clear about me working on my asian identity and that where last year at winter con came into place.
I remember last Winter Con (50th CCCWC) that I did not want to go. The only reason I wanted to go was because I was invited to be part of a workshop. When I got to the 50
th CCCWC, I remember standing there and saying to myself,
“What the heck am I doing here?” I did NOT want to be there. During that time, I don’t remember the speakers or workshops, but I do remember 2 encounters in which God spoke to me.
Encounter 1
I had just finished doing my workshop where I was asked to share my testimony/story. However, I never got a chance to because of time restrictions. We were reflecting on this time and we both actually felt that it wasn’t my time to share my story yet. I also did some personal reflection and when I was alone and praying, I felt God come and say this to me…
“Justin, I didn’t allow you to share your story because this part of your story I want you to share is not yet complete. When I give you the opportunity to share your story, it won’t be with just a few people, it will be in a larger group setting, and you know what? Everyone will be blessed by it. Wait… Wait until China. Something significant is going to happen for you there.”
So I left there and was surprised but also wondering if that was really going to happen.
Encounter 2
Closing Ceremonies has come and I was in the prayer room. I was thinking, “I really don’t want to go to closing ceremonies. I’m just going to skip it.” Then shortly after, God said to me, “Justin, I want you to go down to closing ceremonies. Someone is waiting for you there.” So as reluctant as I was, I went down to closing ceremonies. Once I got down there, I walked into a room full of Chinese people and sat at the back where there was an empty chair beside me. I waited, and waited, and waited. Closing ceremonies started and I still waited, no one came and sat down with me. Worship started and I was standing worshiping, still no one. I then felt I needed to sit down so I sat down. As soon as I sat down, I heard a voice as if it was beside me. This voice was God and He said,
“Justin, I was waiting for you. When you look around in this room, what do you see?”
I look around the room and I respond, “Well God, I see about 1500 Chinese Christians of all different generations and ages, all worshiping you.”
God then responds, “Yeah, yes you are right, but Justin, do you know what I see?”
I respond confusingly, “Umm… no Lord… what do you see?”
God then responds, “Justin, I see each and every single one of my children. Justin, I want you to know that I love you, but I also want you to know that I love each and every single one of my children.”
I pause for a few min to reflect what He said to me, still not understanding what God was talking about. I then ask, “Umm… well yah Lord, and your point is.”
God then responds, “You are going to love my children like I do.”
As soon as I heard this, my heart dropped. I knew how much I hated my Chinese identity and culture and how I felt that it would be impossible for me to truly love them again. Yet, I knew this was God speaking and what he says, go’s. I then surrender myself to this process but acknowledge my limitations to him.
“Ok Lord, I know this is you and I am going to surrender myself to you with this. But I want you to know that I am going to need a lot of help. For this to happen, something short of a miracle has to happen to me.”
God then responds with these words, “Wait… Wait until China. Something significant is going to happen for you there.”
It was then I knew that China was going to be significant for me, and to make a long story short, I was went to China with hatred and frustration towards my Chinese identity and culture. I came back though loving my Chinese identity and culture. God healed and redeemed me of my Chinese identity.
Which brings me here today. I am standing before you today as a living testimony of "Yet His Love Goes Further Still." I am here to say that through being able to truly receive the Love of Jesus Christ, I can now say that I love my Chinese Identity and Culture. The Love and Joy I am able to experience now, I know does not end here, and it is my hope and prayer that each and everyone of you can experience this redemptive power of love and joy.
I have to say that this experience has really affirmed me in a lot of areas in my life.
- My Identity (Tourettes & Asian)
- My Relationship (with April)
- Calling into Full-time vocational ministry
I am completely blown away in God's affirmations in all these areas of my life and how He brought it all together in just one conference. The Joy and Peace I am experiencing is overwhelming that can hardly contain it. I hope you all will also share in the Joy that God has so freely given to all of us =).
